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How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids, by Jancee Dunn
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Review
"Drawing from her own life, journalist Dunn offers up a hilarious-and actually useful!-take on the lopsided division of labor that bedevils many a marriage post-baby."―People, People Picks"The book is steeped in sociological and scientific research on how men's and women's roles have changed (and not) in family life, and it's also hilarious. As Dunn and her husband take a bumpy ride through therapy, research and in-home experiments in an effort to make their family life equitable and peaceful again, you'll learn a little, and laugh a lot."―The Seattle Times, best books of 2018"Dunn's writing is effortless and chatty.... The book is compassionate and reasonable.... This book would make a far more practical shower gift than, say, yet another organic cotton receiving blanket. Babies grow up fast and require less stuff than we usually buy them; we adults are the ones that keep growing."―Jezebel"Part memoir, part self-help book, Jancee Dunn's How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids offers relationship research combined with personal anecdotes. Strategies learned from therapists, friends and even an FBI hostage negotiator help Dunn heal her marriage--and set a good example for her kid."―Real Simple"How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids," is equal parts romp and eye-opener, as she [Dunn] tackles relationship self-help from every angle-and through many experts and therapists. A few chapters in, one goop staffer had already photographed a dozen pages to send to her spouse."―Goop"Jancee Dunn blends marital advice from real experts with her down to earth folksy wit in Hot Not To Hate Husband After Kids. If your husband has a better relationship with his phone than he does with his baby, you need to hit him with this book--and then ask him to read it."―Jen Mann, New York Times bestselling author of People I Want to Punch in the Throat"I already knew I loved my husband, but Jancee Dunn's book makes me realize how much I owe it to my kids to love their father harder and more visibly. And maybe to take a big timeout the next time I want to run over his pipe collection with my jog stroller."―Faith Salie, author of Approval Junkie"Readers familiar with Dunn's honest and humorous writing will appreciate the behind-the-scenes look at her own semi-messy family life, and those who need guidance through the rough spots can glean advice while being entertained.... A highly readable account of how solid research and personal testing of self-help techniques saved a couple's marriage after the birth of their child."―Kirkus"Dunn proves herself a clever, honest, and hilarious writer who isn't afraid to take her own marriage on a great experiment. Few writers would be courageous enough to lay bare such uncomfortable truths as her verbal abuse of her husband in response to his selfishness and how it may be threatening to the normal development of their daughter.... Her book should become a baby shower classic."―Publishers Weekly"Hilarious.... This truly fascinating text is delightful. One of the best books on the subject. Highly recommended."―Library Journal (starred review)
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About the Author
Jancee Dunn is the New York Times bestselling author of five books, including a memoir, a children's book, and Cyndi Lauper: A Memoir. Her essay collection, Why Is My Mother Getting a Tattoo? was a finalist for the Thurber Prize for American Humor. She is a frequent contributor to the New York Times, Vogue, O, The Oprah Magazine, and Parents. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband and daughter.
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Product details
Paperback: 288 pages
Publisher: Little, Brown and Company; Reprint edition (March 27, 2018)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0316267090
ISBN-13: 978-0316267090
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 0.8 x 8.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 4.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.6 out of 5 stars
210 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#6,021 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I like this style of book (self-help as narrated through someone's first-hand experiences) and thought the information in it was really good. That being said, I'm knocking off 2 stars because Jancee Dunn consistently references "research" but does not consistently cite her sources. If she quotes someone from an interview, she's good about giving their name, but there are lots and lots of references to studies and research and there's absolutely no way of knowing which study she's referring to. A lot of what she quotes sounds very interesting and I'd love to read the full study but I can't. In my opinion, it's unacceptable for someone to make money off of the hard work of hundreds of researchers and academics throughout the world and not give credit where credit is due.Overall, I thought this book contains very useful information and am glad I read it, but wish Dunn had credited the people she relied upon to build her case.
This book is full of little gems of advice and insight. From division of labor in the home, raising the kids, organization, money, to sex. I found many of the author's stories relatable and humorous. I think the book, at best, gave me useful strategies I can implement in my own life, and at least, gave me validation that I'm not alone in these struggles. That other good men, good husbands out there still bring these frustrations to their marriages.I think the women who read this book and are left feeling even angrier probably have other underlying problems. Yes, the book does put the bulk of the work needed to make changes on the woman herself, which feels defeating and infuriating. But unless divorce is something you'd seriously consider, what alternative is there? It's hard to carry the burden of having to be the one to "fix" things, be the bigger person in general, and love your husband enough to take that on in spite of all your frustrations. The ones that led to the need for someone to even write this book. But I think she modeled that wonderfully and guess what... it worked for her. Her marriage, her home life, and her job as a parent are all better off. That's worth it.The book helped me understand myself, my husband, and certain dynamics of our marriage and home life. I'd recommend it to any couple about to have a baby or already struggling. Kids change your relationship in so many unpredictable ways. This book helped put it all into perspective and helped me feel more positive overall.
I have rarely laughed out loud while reading a book. And as an avid fiction reader, I didn't know that I could get on board with something more practical. But this book? It's amazing.Helped ground me and realize a) omg I'm not the only one and b) there are genius mechanisms to deal with the stress of having a partner and a baby and thank god now I have them all neatly packaged in a witty book.I've read - and reread - this book now 3 times. Highlighted parts. Flagged others.Sometimes I just turn to it for a chuckle. Sometimes I literally reference it for "how to deal with bringing up...".It's awesome.Can't say enough good things.
This book makes me feel less alone as a mother/wife. I LOVE this book. The title may sound like a negative perspective on husbands, but the actual content of the book is not bashing husbands. It fairly looks at how everyone is responsible for a happy home (still it does address some complaints I and other moms have). It has a feminist/enlightened perspective, but is not heavy handed about it. It has helpful information and good advice/strategies to try and make your post-baby home more harmonious. At the same time, the writer is very humorous and it is very readable! It is, I would say the book is mostly about heterosexual couples, as an FYI.
If this book had a different title, I wouldn’t have to hide it from my partner. Of course, it’s catchy, and many parents can relate. It is heteronormative, as she admits. The actual stories and expert advice in the book are extremely useful, accessible and readable. I highly recommend this book. I don’t hate my husband, but the stress of coparenting is real and it does change the relationship. Why not have help? At the very least it helps me feel like I’m not alone. Other parents have to work hard on their relationships too.
This book was a timely treasure during the early days of welcoming kid #2 this year. It was a poignant reminder that many of the things I feel toward my husband are A) felt by almost all women married to men B) feelings that I don't have to let take over our interactions. I have been a fountain of "how to improve your marriage" tidbits since reading this. And we no longer feel guilty about our 2 1/2 year old feeding the dog. Here's to many more books looking at such practical topics with such gracious humor and honesty. I only wish I had written it!
This book actually really helped me, and my relationship. Not something I can say for pretty much any other book I've ever read. Jancee Dunn did a ton of research (including going to some of the top couples' therapists in the country with her husband) and shares it all. I think that ever single fight my partner and I have had since our child was born was pretty much covered verbatim in this book. So I suddenly felt very much not alone anymore, and also had a roadmap for how to approach our difficulties more gently and effectively. On top of it all, Dunn is a really good, and really funny writer. I looked forward to reading this every day while nursing my child. Definitely a book to own, and refer back to. And pass along to friends. BTW, I shared some of it with my husband, too, who also found it funny, and I think probably helpful. Hopefully the title is not too off-putting in that regard-- it's really useful for happy couples struggling to adjust to the immense change of having a child.
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